apprehension

I’ve been feeling a little apprehensive the past few days, and I can’t find a specific reason why. I’d describe the feeling as dreadful; almost queasy. Like something horrible is going to happen and I’m just waiting for it to hit. But there is nothing I know of in my near future that I should dread.

I’ve not lost my optimism. It’s still there. My overall mood is still positive. It’s just become slightly overshadowed by this feeling of apprehension.

This sparked a conversation the other night with a friend who was going through some emotional turmoil as well. Her theory is that even though things are looking up, my subconscious is probably still waiting for the next thing to go wrong.

I’ve been thinking about this, and it makes sense, to me at least. After such an extended period of shittyness, my brain doesn’t know if it’s truly over and is waiting it out in the form of the awful dread living in the pit of my stomach.

How odd the mind is. It can force you to fear something is wrong even when everything around you is perfectly fine. Even though I think said friend’s theory makes sense, and I’m fully subscribing to it, I can’t shake the feeling. For now, I have no choice but to recognize it’s there, ignore it and focus on the positive. I’m still coming out on the other side.